"Disappear Here..."

I was just complaining during lunch today that it's been a long, long time since I saw a really, really good movie at the theatre. Rohna and I had planned on watching The Kite Runner and I'd heard mixed reviews so I was hoping it would at least be better than Atonement. By the time both Rohna and I actually left work, we had missed the show we'd planned on catching and the next one wasn't until 9. Who wants to wait until 9pm for a movie on a Friday? So we picked another movie she'd really been wanting to see. The Great Debaters.

It was a wonderful movie and, albeit a bit similar to Dead Poets' Society (or what I remember of Dead Poets' Society) and perhaps even a bit predictable, it was beautifully shot, intelligent, had a great soundtrack, and it was moving. I even shed a tear or two. It was about (besides the whole segregation of whites and blacks and racism, etc.) identity and fitting in. I would say watch the movie if you're looking for something to go see, but I wouldn't say, "Run, run to the movies".

Anyway, afterwards, Rohna and I decided to grab a drink at The View Bar on top of the Marriott. I wasn't much a fan of the ambiance or the scene, but the view was amazing- better than Starlight Room and Top of the Mark. My glass of Riesling (more like half a glass since they pour so little into those huge goblets) lasted me an hour and a half since it was my first drink in 10 days (and I was buzzed later). We sat at a little table by the window and it was hard not to talk about living in San Francisco, as we looked out over and across the city. The movie had a scene in Boston/Cambridge and it got us talking about various cities we've lived in.

The consensus was that, while both Rohna and I have been considering moving to other cities (me cause I'm more of a drifter- can't stay anywhere for longer than 4 years, and Rohna cause... well cause this isn't exactly the best city for straight single women) it will be hard to leave San Francisco. And cheesy as it may sound, I said I know now what they mean in that song, "I left my heart in San Francisco". While I'm seriously considering (more like planning on) moving back to New York, there's something about this city, SF, that I've romanticized since my first day here.

I love this city and have all this nostalgia for those first few weeks after I arrived. That week staying at the Ansonia Abbey Hotel. They'd given me a room with bay windows that looked out over Post Street. After leaving the windows up the first night, I realized how chilly it gets at night. The morning smelled crisp- but with the sharp tinge of hostel/motel rooms and whatever laundry detergent they use on their sheets. That clawfoot tub. The cheap bars of soap. The convenience store across the street that I could watch all day and all night from my perch at the table by the window- watch the comings and goings of who makes up that neighborhood- mostly homeless bums, european tourists, hookers, students... There was the bad breakfast every morning in the cafeteria of pancakes and cold syrup and OJ from-concentrate (I couldn't eat the sausages and eggs, that looked unappetizing, regardless of whether I was vegetarian or not). There was the tiny computer room, where I printed copies of my resume and assignments for school. The old-fashioned elevator (we don't have those in Boston). The woman at the front desk, who remembers me to this day. But my favorite of all, the bright fucshia and magenta lobby/sitting room with the fireplace, where everything was velvet.

Whereas Brett Easton Ellis's characters in Less Than Zero and Lunar Park took the "Disappear Here" references as foreboding and as a commentary on how people lose their sense of identity (and any sense of depth in their relationships with others) to me, it implies something positive. More like finding a place for yourself; somewhere you have to make no efforts to be. I guess my point is that I have never felt more "myself" anywhere, than I have here. I feel more, as they say, "Resolved."