Master Cleanse: One More Time

My last attempt was unsuccessful so I’m trying harder this time. Erik started yesterday but I started today. I didn’t make enough lemonade for the whole day so I'm sitting here at my desk, staring into my empty cup. I have a headache and can’t stop thinking about food.

Here’s the list I was making on a post-it (before I caught myself) of all the healthy, protein rich foods I’m going to consume after I’m done on the 17th (not all in one day, of course):
Tofu Scramble
Marinated Tofu
Green Beans and Tofu
Salads with (Balsamic Vinaigrette)
Raw Vegetables
Water
Fruits
Yogurt: Plain, Vanilla, Maple
Granola and Yogurt
Plain Cheerios with Skim Milk
Tempeh (I will try it, at least once)
Almonds: Roasted, Salted, Spiced

This is when I stopped. I was going to start looking up recipes next. WAS. But I decided I was torturing myself. I might not last the full 10 days but I’m definitely trying.

I have to come to terms with it...

I am an Old Married Man Magnet.

Last night, before going to the Metreon for a scary movie, Erik and I stopped in for a drink at the sports bar across the street. I was telling him about the latest developments with the pervs at work and he turned around to me and said:

Erik:
I’m going to be one of those guys. Old, committed, and harassing pretty young things (boys).

Me:
Why are you in a committed relationship anyway?

Erik:
Cause I need to be committed. (He points to his head).

Me:
You’re not old. And you’re cute. You could harass me anytime.

Erik:
But I’m thinking… you really do have a problem.

Me:
I know. Is it something I do?

Erik:
I don’t know what you do but you do it everywhere you go. Remember J--- Adams?

My vendor, when I still worked with Erik, was always flirting with me, coming over to see me, wanting to take me out to lunch. Now that I’m working across the street from Erik, at another architecture firm, I still see J Adams every once in a while. Erik went into vulgar details about J Adams and what he probably dreams about doing to me and I “Ugh”-ed and “Eeewww”-ed, freaking out the crowd of after-work happy professionals around us. Then, satisfied by having captured the attention of our immediate neighbors, we went to see our movie.

This afternoon I got a call from him:

Erik:
Ok. Guess what you conjured up.

Me:
What?

Erik:
I got a call from the receptionist saying she had J Adams on the line for me, and I’m thinking of course. Of course you have J Adams on the line.

Me:
That’s funny.

Erik:
It gets funnier. He asked about you and wants to take Enrique, Tyrone, myself, and YOU out to lunch. And you get to pick where.

Me:
Aaaaggghhh!!! What is it that I do?!!!

Erik:
I don’t know but if I had even a quarter of your magic, I’d be in heaven.


(As I was writing this, my HR friend came over to tell me she had to talk to me. Apparently, my manager had complained to HR on my behalf, about the other day’s incident with the perv.)

Saw it coming...

In e-mail dated October 30, 2006, before meeting at the Metreon to watch SAW III:

Erik:
As I just realized, these movies have all different landmarks for you. Saw 1 you were with Deon...Saw 2 you were single...Saw 3 you're with Doug.

For Doug's sake, I hope there's no Saw 4 planned. ;)


(SAW IV in theatres October 26, 2007)

Sleepwalking really does happen

Erik:
I had another sleepwalking incident last night. Weird. I woke up fully dressed at 3am (after I had gotten into my pajamas when Jose left).
I had put my hair up with product, turned on a pot of water for tea, set out some pistachio nuts in the living room, then waited in bed for my company to come. (I'm pretty sure I called my sister and told her to come over - that the snacks were ready). So I woke up to a hot apartment...went to the bathroom and I noticed the stove was blasting and I had evaporated all the water out of the teapot and it was pretty close to stuck on the burner. Then I realized that I had gotten dressed and ready to go somewhere.